No More Crumbs! with Samantha Gregory

In This Episode…

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Key Points

We don’t just start accepting crumbs overnight. It’s a result of a long-term conditioning process where you begin to accept them from family, friends, co-workers, and bosses before it happens in romantic relationships.

“It’s so easy to blame the guy, but as I thought about my relationships, I had to start taking responsibility for the part I played in it. I had to release all the hurt and get to the point where I said, ‘I deserve better.’ ” – Samantha Gregory

Before you can have standards, boundaries or policies, you have to know who you are and what you want. It's okay to say what you want and don't want.

What You Can Do

Are you accepting crumbs and settling for less than you deserve? Assess your situation and see how many Yes answers you have to the following:

Do they abuse you in ANY way (verbally, physically, emotionally, sexually)?
Do you feel like you have to be careful and “walk on eggshells” when you are with them?
Do you feel neglected by them, and that you are never their priority?
Do you have to be very careful what you say around them?
Does s/he take forever to respond to your texts?
Does s/he forget you on your birthday, anniversary or holidays?

What are the things that really matter to you, but don’t really matter to them? If those are deal-breakers, and you continue to accept the behavior, you are settling for crumbs, and may even be in a toxic relationship.

Listen to your gut. Your intuition will tell you when something is not right. You need to develop standards and enforce them as boundaries to teach others how to treat you.

Tell the other person what your rules of engagement or policies are. (Policies is used in the same way as standards or boundaries.) If someone accuses you of having an attitude or gives you other negative pushback about your standards, don’t let that dissuade you from enforcing them. You are simply weeding out toxic people that are no good for you! Otherwise, you risk having a crummy relationship wrapped up in heartache and frustration.

It may not be the right time for you to have a relationship—build up your confidence first so that you can define and articulate your standards to someone without fear of rejection. Take time out to get to know yourself and heal any open wounds from the past.