In This Episode…

This episode is dedicated to everyone who wishes that common sense really was common.

Author, civility and social skills trainer Rosalinda Randall weighs in some offensive scenarios we encounter, and what to do about them, including:

When someone can't remember your name
1. Talking on cell phones in public
2. Kids who are left unattended in public, or misbehave in public playgrounds (mistreating others)
3. People sitting next to, behind or in front of you on an airplane who act like you're not sitting there
4. People who ask you for things on social media before making a real connection
5. Handling surprise tags/group adds, debates and “unfriending” on social media
6. Addressing questions about your personal life
7. Comments made when you're grieving or going through an illness

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Special thanks to those of you who have left comments on social media for this episode, including Julie B. from Utica, NY, Kelsey H. from Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, and Angela M. from Atlanta, Georgia! We've addressed your comments near the end of the show [starting at 34:33]. Keep it coming–we love your feedback!

Key Points

Mispronouncing a name and taking it for granted that you have it right.

When you use your phone in public, it is a safety issue (especially where children are involved).

Leaving children unattended is not only unsafe, but also a liability.

If you're going to use social media, you have to have thick skin, and you have to expect that there will be opinions you don't agree with.

Sometimes when people ask personal questions, it's because they share a lot and don't consider it to be too personal, or they want to connect to you quickly.

What You Can Do

“I'm bad with names” – remind the person of your name and make them feel at ease.

If you must talk on the phone in public, be mindful of your volume and topic (have personal or explicit conversations in private) and courteous to those around you. You are distracted when you're on the phone, so keep it brief when you have children with you—for your security and theirs.

Take the time with your children to teach them and reiterate how they should behave and interact with others. If you're going to a quiet setting, bring something to entertain them. Pay attention to them while you're out instead of being glued to your phone or another adult.

Things to remember when you are on an airplane:

Remember that you are not at home. Be courteous of the people sitting beside, in front of and behind you when getting up, moving in your seat, so that you're not constantly bumping their chair or kicking them in the back.
Watch your children and attend to their needs so they are not disturbing other passengers.
Shower before you arrive at the airport.

When interacting with people you don't know well on social media, remember that there is an art to networking. You should not ask for anything from an acquaintance before you are well connected. Build rapport.

Don't add people to a Facebook group without their permission. Tag people in pictures judiciously.

Before you get into a heated exchange on social media, first ask yourself, “How will it help?” If you want to encourage someone to see things your way, you have to choose your words wisely.

Be careful not to offend a person who is grieving a loss. Rosalind gives some excellent examples of what to say and what not to say [starting at 30:56].

When you're eating out with someone, there will be conversation, so take small bites. And do not pay more attention to your phone than the person you are with. Don't even put it on the table, because it's still a distraction if it lights up or makes a sound. Enjoy your company!